Purged by Sparticle

The Family that Prays Together . . .

Turns out, I love teaching at the jail. I end every session with a book auction which entails grabbing random books and creating interest. Sample pitch for 1984: "I can't believe they let this one in here! Government mind control exposed!" If I prattle on long enough, someone will take it. "Sold to the lady in orange."

The students are a bit more excited by the daily parade of male prisoners going by our window on their way to their pods. Yes, they are called pods. 

"There's my brother."

"Look at. My baby's daddy." 

The Biggest Balls of All

A wedding is scheduled for 2:30 so you do the right thing and arrive at 2:15. Only then are you informed that there is a delay and the nuptials will not be performed until 5:00 "or so." Turns out the officiant can't make it any earlier. Since you know for fact this isn't a real ceremony (the bride's divorce papers haven't arrived on time) you get a bit miffed knowing this little detail doesn't really matter. 

Worse, there's clearly a hierarchy of guests: those who got a phone call notifying them of the change and those who did not. As there are very few people there, you are clearly in the latter category. What to do? What to do? 

Well, fear not. We got ourselves some beer and waited. And drank and waited and drank some more. 

They finally arrived and got pretend married. Party to follow ceremony included plenty of fried chicken and karaoke. Still steamed by my wasted time and the perceived slight, the couple found themselves out on the floor for their first dance to my sister and I belting out AC/DC's Big Balls.

AC/DC
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (1981)
Big Balls

I'm Ever Upper Class High Society
God's Gift To Ballroom Notoriety
I Always Fill My Ballroom
The Event Is Never Small
The Social Pages Say I've Got
The Biggest Balls Of All

CHORUS:
I've Got Big Balls
I've Got Big Balls
And They're Such Big Balls
Dirty Big Balls
And He's Got Big Balls
And She's Got Big Balls
But We've Got The Biggest Balls Of Them All

And My Balls Are Always Bouncing
My Ballroom Always Full
And Everybody Cums And Cums Again
If Your Name Is On The Guest List
No One Can Take You Higher
Everybody Says I've Got
Great Balls Of Fire

CHORUS

Some Balls Are Held For Charity
And Some For Fancy Dress
But When They're Held For Pleasure
They're The Balls That I Like Best
My Balls Are Always Bouncing
To The Left And To The Right
It's My Belief That My Big Balls
Should Be Held Every Night

CHORUS

And I'm Just Itching To Tell You About Them
Oh We Had Such Wonderful Fun
Seafood Cocktail, Crabs, Crayfish...

Ball Sucker

Night Divides the Day

The traps arrived today. And because directions needed reading and whatnot, they got assembled inside. This including applying the female pheromone. 

So damn many moths stormed the castle, it got dark in here. 

(passive voice because I somehow don't feel responsible)

Flutter Off

Gypsy Moths beware. 

Woodstream #47006 Gypsy Moth Lure will be used against you.

Above item(s) was shipped by UPS. Your reference Number(s) are 
1Z60E7E60357925496 

Another Day Another Fear

Not knowing what to expect for a jail training session, I dressed in loose clothing assuming we would be throwing each other down on mats and yelling a lot. Instead, we played a version of Worst Case Scenario for four hours.  After completing the session, including jail hostage situations, my latest big fear is of the picture of me that will accompany the local headline news story when I am taken hostage or help someone escape. No doubt, it will be taken from my ID badge. Well if some jerk with a sharp pencil or whatnot wants to have a go, I will kill both of us rather than live that down. 

But really, I am VERY excited to start teaching at the jail this fall. 

More Like a Gello Gem

Formerly pretty gel gem flowers in a west facing window with average mid-west summer temp. Makes for a rather unique fly catcher, don't you think?

Prick

BT, you said you never saw one of these. It's no Lady Di made of roses. The same guy who made this has an Ashcroft composed of crotch shots.

click on image to see what this man is made of 

Quality Control

Me: "You can't go outside by yourself."

Rain: "The workmen will watch me"

The "workmen" were delighted to find that trees made it impossible to actually reach the area they needed to pour. This meant they had to haul it with a million or so wheelbarrow trips. Thank goodness they had some supervision.

"Hey, aren't you tired? Where are your friends? Are you tired now?"